The Wisdom of Small Steps

Leaders are human beings and like everyone else they meet with mood swings and anxiety. A genuine leader acknowledges this and tries to deal with all of it. As a person, an individual with many interests and responsibilities, I have often been subject to both mood swings and anxiety, and through pondering, meditation, reading, and research, I have come up with some ideas that I am sharing here.

One reason we can get stuck in an ongoing negative mood is that painful moods can keep us from making good decisions. We’re feeling down, so we crave instant relief – which leads us to decisions that aren’t always helpful in the long run. It’s the urge to choose junk food over a more nourishing meal or to call in sick because you’re stressed, only to push the workload onto your future self. If we heed that urge to make the easier decision, we then often berate ourselves for making the wrong choice. That keeps us stuck in a cycle of negativity.

Why do we do this, when in most cases we know what the right decision is? Well, according to many experts, part of the reason is that the right decisions are oftentimes easier said than done. It’s simply harder to get up and go to work than it is to hide under the covers, especially when we’re in a negative state.

The other problem is a tendency toward perfectionism, which many leaders tend to have, and it isn’t at all helpful for healing. Perfectionism causes us to fixate on the perfect decision and then beat ourselves up for not having done it already. In tackling a longstanding low mood, perfectionism stands in the way of real change.

A way to work against both of these problems is to focus on making “good enough” decisions, in other words, to focus on taking simple steps forward. The key here is to aim for small, continual progress – and not for grand gestures or huge overhauls of your life. I recognize that sometimes one may need an overhaul change, but in the majority of cases, all we need is to take a breath and eat the elephant one bite at a time.

For example, it’s well-known that physical exercise can make a huge difference in your mental health – but it can be so hard to commit to a vigorous exercise routine when you’re not in the habit of doing it. What then? Going from no exercise to an hour of cardio per day may be daunting. Even if the hour of cardio per day might look like the “right” decision, the “good enough” decision is to incorporate some light exercise into your day that you actually enjoy. Don’t go to the gym for a joyless slog on the treadmill if it fills you with dread; instead, start with activities you can see yourself repeating, like brisk walks around the neighborhood with your favorite podcast.

If you’re stuck in a negative mood and the long list of things you should do is overwhelming, pick just one small action that you know is good for you, and promise yourself to do it every day– like that brisk walk around the neighborhood. You might not see a stark uptick in your mood immediately, but you’re doing something more important. You’re actually laying the foundation for new pathways in your brain that make exercise second nature. You’re reminding yourself that you can still develop good habits. And once you sustain good habits, they in turn will sustain your mental health.

So what if you successfully build up a good, healthy habit, but then your commitment slackens over time and you fall out of it? Try not to criticize yourself. It happens. Be compassionate and encouraging toward yourself, as you would to a friend going through a rough time. You can try again tomorrow! It’ll be easier the next time around because you’ve done it before. I can say this because I have done it.

Choosing healthy behavior step by step is also the most effective way to deal with anxiety. If you struggle with anxiety, you know it’s no fun – at best, it’s uncomfortable, and at worst, it can completely take over your life.

Managing anxiety is about facing fears. The most tempting way to deal with fear is to run away from it by avoiding the situations that make it flare up. But here’s the thing about fear: The more we avoid it, the more we feed it in the long run. And what’s worse is that if we let fear dictate our choices, our lives become smaller and smaller.

Again, the key is to go easy on yourself, and not to reintroduce every anxiety-inducing situation at once. That will likely overwhelm your brain and cause you to give up. Pick one that feels the most manageable and start there.

This same approach of incrementally facing fears works for building your confidence, even if you aren’t especially anxious but want to become more daring. Your confidence will grow over time if you find the courage to face the things that make you feel squeamish, as long as you do it gradually and with repetition, with ample recovery time, and you don’t put yourself in situations that will cause you to panic.

Remember that courage precedes confidence. You have to face your fears in order to overcome them. Fear is part of any new situation you find yourself in, any creative risk you take, and all learning experiences. So if you want to live a life with creativity, risk, and growth, facing fear is essential.

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