Recognizing Tender Mercies in Trying Times

Throughout my life, I have experienced many difficult and challenging times. Some of them I define as true afflictions and have manifested as trials and tribulations of all sort but especially of the emotionally charged kind.

Even now that I am retired and moving on to a different life, challenges continue to afflict me and to remind me that life comes with a refining flavour that needs to be accepted and embraced. Therefore, notwithstanding so many difficulties, often some things happen that quiet the disorderly flow of existence and bring serenity, peace, and confirmation when the tempest is raging. I call these tender mercies. When they come, they are sweet and bring relief when it is needed.

Those who read me know that I am a religious person and I will elaborate on the spiritual concept of tender mercies as part of this article. But, some of the concepts that, in my mind, define the tender mercies that happen to me, are also contained in an ancient philosophy that is being rediscovered in these days and that is very inherent to the culture of my native land, Italy: Stoicism.

Stoicism is a philosophy born in Greece and embraced by the Romans. I was born in Taranto, the one and only Spartan colony outside of Greece. Taranto eventually became part of the Roman republic and empire. Stoicism is also part of my heritage with Emperor Marcus Aurelius being the most recognizable figure of this school of thought.

Stoicism states that fighting negativity is futile as it is part of the universal flow of things. Rather, looking at the positive that can come out from the negative would be a more appropriate way of living. This is just more than the proverbial “when a door closes, another one opens.” Stoics believe that the negative situation is not inherently bad but perceived as such by our imperfect and human nature. Hence, an ethical man (the epitome of a Stoic) works with what happens to make the best of it. Flow into the positive will be eventually restored if we embrace and work with the negativity that comes toward us.

I have to say, I am not necessarily good at working with negativity but in the last few years, I have discovered more about my own spiritual self and being able to work with negativity to better my attitude towards it, and this brings me to my spiritual definition of tender mercies.

The first time I came across these two words in sequence was when I first read the Book of Mormon (for those who are not familiar with this book, here’s a link to some information about it – https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/bofm/introduction?lang=eng). The last verse of the first chapter of this book reads: “And when the Jews heard these things they were angry with him; yea, even as with the prophets of old, whom they had cast out, and stoned, and slain; and they also sought his life, that they might take it away. But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance.” (1 Nephi 1:20). Here, the writer Nephi is speaking about his father Lehi who had been persecuted by his own people for speaking to them of what he believed.
Does it sound familiar? It certainly does to me as I had to endure numerous injustices and abusive treatment over the years because of who I am and what I believe.

In the same book, the story tells of a group of people who were persecuted for their belief to the point that they could not pray out loud or they would be put to death. God, in His mercy, promises deliverance at some point but also tells these people that He would help them by easing their burden until the day of deliverance, which would take some time to occur.

Often we think that it is unfair to suffer. I don’t like suffering but it is part of this life. As the stoics believed that what is negative is as much part of this world and universe as what is positive, I also believe that God leaves to us the necessary agency and freedom to make decisions and to meet their consequences. It is part of our learning experience here on earth. Those who understand this simple principle are more prepared to see negativity as a stepping stone to something better. Joseph B. Wirthlin once said that his mother taught him “Come what may and love it!” He used this principle all his life and found joy even in the more difficult times (“Come What May and Love It! – https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2008/10/come-what-may-and-love-it?lang=eng)

David A. Bednar told the following story while giving an example of tender mercies: “In a recent conference, the tender mercies of the Lord were evident in the touching testimony of a young wife and mother of four whose husband was slain in Iraq in December of 2003. This stalwart sister recounted how, after being notified of her husband’s death, she received his Christmas card and message. In the midst of the abrupt reality of a dramatically altered life came to this good sister a timely and tender reminder that indeed families can be together forever. With permission I quote from that Christmas card:

“To the best family in the world! Have a great time together and remember the true meaning of Christmas! The Lord has made it possible for us to be together forever. So even when we are apart, we will still be together as a family.

“God bless and keep y’all safe and grant this Christmas to be our gift of love from us to Him above!!!

“All my love, Daddy and your loving husband!”

Clearly, the husband’s reference to being apart in his Christmas greeting referred to the separation caused by his military assignment. But to this sister, as a voice from the dust from a departed eternal companion and father, came a most needed spiritual reassurance and witness. As I indicated earlier, the Lord’s tender mercies do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Faithfulness, obedience, and humility invite tender mercies into our lives, and it is often the Lord’s timing that enables us to recognize and treasure these important blessings.” (The Tender Mercies of the Lord – https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2005/04/the-tender-mercies-of-the-lord?lang=eng)

So how do we receive these tender mercies? Bednar suggests three principles (faithfulness, obedience, and humility). My elaboration of these three principles will not be only religious but is intended to resonate to a larger audience as well.

1. Faithfulness or Integrity – this is when we act by showing a consistent approach to our principles and values. This is very important even and especially in light of others behaving with and telling you things that are hurtful or not true. The tempest is indeed raging out there and we all need guiding lights to take us to a safe harbour. Many times we need to apply the following thought expressed by Dr. Wayne Dyer: “What other people think of me is none of my business. One of the highest places you can get to is being independent of the good opinions of other people.”
2. Obedience or Willingness – this is when we do something to resolve our problems rather than sulking or, even worse, going deeper in negative thoughts that destroy our very fiber and bring an anxiety and depression spiral to ourselves. Bednar further commented that “tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts” that we need to be safe during the tempests of our life. Only through action we can find opportunity and guidance.
3. Humility – this is a concept and a principle that is easier to understand and yet it is misinterpreted in many instances. For some today, humility (and its companion meekness) is considered a weakness, when, in fact, it is a great strength. Humility keeps you grounded and gives you the ability to move forward in a process of continuous discovery. It is strictly connected to the other two principles I just described. C.S. Lewis once said, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.” And I love this quote from Abraham Lincoln, “What kills a skunk is the publicity it gives itself.”

In conclusion, whether you are in the middle of a tempest, you are expecting one, or you know that one can come at any time, think that by following these simple principles you can receive assurance and serenity that can help you.

I invite you all to do something very simple. Start to write down daily at least one tender mercy that you have seen in your life when you were struggling with something. The more you look for them, the more you will discover and you will find out that, in reality, you are never alone.

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