A Father’s Experience

My Dad Vittorio

Today, June 21st, we celebrate our fathers in Canada and the United States. I certainly celebrate all my father figures in my life, beginning with my wonderful dad Vittorio. He had an interesting life, of which he shared a few memories with me. But overall, his life was his family and made a point to spend as much time with mom and his two children and show his affection and love. He was a man of few words, and that is reflected in my personality and that of my brother. He was an exceptional man!

I never met my grandfathers as they died much earlier than I was born, but I heard wonderful stories about them from both my parents and my uncles and aunts. Their memory and goodness were so vivid in my mom’s and dad’s memories that they both have become very much alive in mine. I look forward meeting them one day in heaven.

I was also honored to have my wife’s dad in my life. A man with a big heart, a big smile, a great sense of humour and a life dedicated to his wonderful family. We became friends and had many conversations over the years, which I cherish to this day. Another good man and another good blessing in my life.

My Father-in-law Gino

My brother is also a great example of father as he was as son. I see him, my sister-in-law, my nephew, and my two nieces and I see an example of wonderful love.

My brother Massimo and his wife Loredana

But what makes a father? I believe we, the fathers, do not take enough time to reflect upon our role and the why of it. And I think we should.

It is a very important question that comes with the title. It is somewhat easier to define a mother, although it would take many books and billions of words to make justice to the role of a mom. But defining fatherhood is a bit more complicated.

My beautiful wife Silvana, the mother of our children

The first obvious comment from me is that to be a good father you have to be a good son first. And I certainly tried that. I observed my father, I loved him, I obeyed to him, I tried to make him proud, and I tried to follow his example and walk on his footsteps. I listened to his advise, I thanked him for his help and sacrifice, and the list can go on.

However, one thing is to be a good son hoping, through observation and behaviour, to be a good father one day, but another thing is to actually be one.

When you have children, all of a sudden, the son becomes the father. The roles are somewhat reversed. But the first question that comes to mind is: what do I do now? I cannot say that I was scared to be a father, but it dawned on me that I now had this huge responsibility for a new life. And this is a sober thought.

Like everything, you learn by experience. And although there is no written manual for the job of father, in my case, my experience as a son gave me some direction. If I could only be a small part the father my dad was for me, I felt I would be successful. I was not expecting a smooth ride but a good ride nonetheless.

Have I made mistakes during this journey? Of course I have. Many, in fact. But I hope I learned from them. My children still live with us and I still continue to make mistakes, but I feel we are strong together and love is there.

My beautiful children Victor and Grace

I have wonderful children. They are good all the way to their core. They are smart and happy and well rounded. They are even funny and talented. I wish I could take credit for all of that but I can’t. They have had the greatest mother all along, who continues to be the mother every child should have.

I just tried to be the son I hoped to be for my father.