Being Grateful in Difficult Times

In times that were different and appear to be so distant even when only a few months have passed, I wrote an article hoping for a new year where we would be guided by three principles that I consider foundational to civility and progress: be grateful, be honest, and be vulnerable.

A couple of months ago, I posted another article where I raised my personal voice in praise to the never-ending power of hope. In that article, I again outlined three points that can help us keeping our hope sustained: be positive, be grateful, and be patient.
As I reflect upon the challenging times we are facing, it strikes me that being grateful seems to be a constant in my reflections.

It would be logical to address the big challenges of the day such as the pandemic, the world economic downturn, the “new normal”, and racial tension. The temptation is strong, and I may do so in the near future. In addition, there are other big issues that are still out there and need to be addressed such as poverty, homelessness, and mental health to cite just a few.

However, I believe we need to start from the basics, otherwise, all the good things we are learning despite, and probably because of, our current challenges would be lost. Too many times I heard people saying: “once this is over, all will be back to the old normal because we can’t keep forever the good things we are experiencing.” I hope this proves wrong, but it is why I wish to talk about gratitude as a powerful sentiment and keeper of good change.

Just recently I finished reading the book “Leading with Gratitude” co-written by Adrian Gostick and my old friend Chester Elton. I have known Chester for 40 years and he has always had a smile on his face. He has taught me persistence and positivity when he was in my hometown serving as a missionary. I suggest you read this book. It is powerful and based on very sound research.

Author Chester Elton

In the book, the authors list eight simple ways to show and benefit from gratitude. While they apply these principles to the corporate world, they are also very applicable in our personal life. The good things about this book is that it first highlights the problems that corporation CEO’s and leaders have in recognizing gratitude as a game changer that in fact could bring better results to the bottom line. As I read that part of the book, I could even recognize myself in some of the “attitudes” described in its pages. This is called the “gratitude gap.” In order to apply change, we have to recognize the root causes of the issue. In the end, the message is very simple: being grateful creates happy people all around (and better organizations). (https://www.amazon.ca/Leading-Gratitude-Leadership-Practices-Extraordinary/dp/0062965786/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1592257898&sr=8-1)

As I have been trying to live with grateful thoughts in my mind, especially in these past few months of turmoil and uncertainty, I find more than happiness: I find personal balance and peace. More important, I find a way to face adversity with the right attitude.
In a talk to Brigham Young University a number of years ago, Dallin H. Oaks, its former president, spoke about adversity. In listening to his talk, I was impressed by an example of positive attitude he related. Here’s the story:  “I recall a memorable lesson I learned from Chicago Daily News columnist Sydney J. Harris. He wrote:

“I walked with my friend, a Quaker, to the newsstand the other night, and he bought a paper, thanking the newsie politely. The newsie didn’t even acknowledge it. “A sullen fellow, isn’t he?” I commented. Oh, he’s that way every night,” shrugged my friend. “Then why do you continue to be so polite to him?” I asked. “Why not?” inquired my friend. “Why should I let him decide how I’m going to act?” As I thought about this incident later, it occurred to me that the important word was act. My friend acts toward people; most of us react toward them. He has a sense of inner balance that is lacking in most of us; he knows who he is, what he stands for, how he should behave. He refuses to return incivility for incivility, because then he would no longer be in command of his conduct. [“Do You Act—Or React?” condensed from the Chicago Daily News]”

Oaks then said: “I like that example because it challenges each of us to focus our attention on the individual responses each of us must make to the individual personal adversities that are sure to hound us throughout our lives. Our responses will inevitably shape our souls …” (https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/dallin-h-oaks/adversity/)

Dallin H. Oaks

So, what can we do to increase our level of gratefulness and, subsequently, our inner peace and happiness?

• First, write down at least one different reason every day for which you are grateful. Think about it and make it dear to your heart. Share it if you can or if it is relevant. If you are grateful for you mom, tell her and cherish her expression of love for you, for instance.
• Second, turn to yourself and, if you are like me, to God to thank yourself for your efforts and God for His unique blessings that He has given to you specifically.
  Third, don’t let the negativity of the circumstances or of others ruin the appreciation for what you have and are grateful for. You have the ability to choose your response to negativity. No one can take that away from you.
• Finally, accept life as is and make adversity either an opportunity or a lesson for improvement. I can tell you this is not easy, but it is not impossible.

Since it is important to practice what I believe in, I wish to thank all of you that are reading me. I don’t do this professionally but out of desire to share with you what I think could be good for all of us.

I also wish to thank my friend Chester Elton for his 40 years of friendship, but especially for helping my sister-in-law, 40 years ago, to find her way to a life full of good things and wonderful values. This made possible for her to marry my brother and be an example of love, compassion, and family unity.

I am also grateful for my parents for always being there for me, especially for allowing me to soar high without putting any obstacles to my dreams.
I am grateful for my brother, one of the very few people who really understands me and gives me the strength that I need every day in a way that is unique to him and very inspiring.

And also, I am very grateful to my wife and children. They are my rock, my inspiration, and my foundation. They give me hope and the courage I need every day to move forward and not backward. My wife has taught me so much and she helped and continues to help me recognize where I need to improve: she is my most treasured blessing.

Finally, I am grateful for my faith in God. Today, it is not fashionable to be religious or even spiritual but it doesn’t matter to me. I have learned that with Him in my life, I am complete.

Thank you!

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